Archives for the month of: August, 2012

What a hideous idea… Or so I thought. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than what is effectively a karaoke date. However, after I stopped cringing I realised the participants where having a good time. The end date was a bit like watching someone elses foreplay, so unless you’re a voyeur I wouldn’t recommend watching the show. But if singing is your thing this is a great way to meet people.

Singing is not my thing. I’m not really sure I know what my thing is now I have nothing to fall into. I’m enjoying having a focus with the blog though, so obviously writing is one of the things. It’s not really a participation sport though is it. Aside from the occasional readings that is.

On my dating profile, I have concentrated on my writing and my art, two insular activities. Activities I have obviously owned IT’S MY ART, GET YOUR OWN. It’s what I’m doing. I dare not put what I want to be doing, or maybe I should… and be the next best smut novelist. I want to be sailing, difficult to do in a land locked city and expensive too. What do you do? Again the aspirational questions, go for what you want? What if you aspire and then find you are uninspired.

My observations have hit 32. I have been liked by a teacher (I shall call him Harry.) Well, I liked him and he was very prompt in liking me back. Then I panicked. I didn’t realise that I would actually end up liking someone and so soon. I haven’t the money for the subscription. What now? I tried to send a veiled message. The site I used caught me out and suspended my profile for 24 hours. Damn.

I felt like a teenager having a strop. Bastards. You can’t have anything for nothing these days. (Shameless). Once I talked to myself I realised I can use this to my advantage. I’m playing it cool. He’ll be impressed that I waited, because in my mind he’s watched Clerks and he knows I know this. Yeah! So much for me staying grounded in the real world.

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The last relationship I had was with myself. The man I split up with bore no relation to the man I was becoming intimate with in the beginning. He seemed to offer everything that I wanted in a partner. What I actually got drove me insane. The break up was difficult, one of the worst I’ve ever experienced and I am sure that’s because I was having a relationship with a man that did not exist out side of my mind.

You might think that I’d leave it there and thank my lucky stars I didn’t end up with one in the oven and be eternally tied to him. You’d be forgiven for thinking that after healing my wounds I would retreat to my cave and become The Spinster. It’s not unreasonable to assume that an intelligent, creative, witty woman of my ilk would be content to battle on solo. After all, I have great friends and loving family.

But there are some things that your friends and family just can’t do, and I’m not mad keen on one night stands. The thought of ending up with another nutter leaves me feeling cold and murderous. Since the tellie keeps telling me 1 in 5 relationships start on-line, I thought that I would give it a whirl. I created a profile, that was pretty witty, or so I thought. I had five views in the first day and one person ‘liked’ me in the first week.

I didn’t like him. Or at least I did not feel that he was what I was looking for in a relationship. He sent me a message saying that he thought we might be friends if nothing else. I edited my profile immediately. I realised I have enough friends. I’m not looking for a grand love affair either. I want a relationship that defies boundaries. It sounds pretty grand but really it’s not, it’s just difficult to describe what I’m after.

After another draft of my wants and needs, I had attracted the attention of 17 men. Super. Only none of them have messaged me, or liked me. I decided that I would be more proactive and start searching myself. Breaking my first rule, ‘Let them come to you’. On my first search I played it pretty safe, chose a certain type of man that I thought I would have success with. A week later and none had ‘liked’ me back. So I dumped all but two of them, that’ll teach ’em.

During that week I was thinking about what I wanted from men and life. Should I be aspirational in my choices? Should I choose the wild card? Ought I play it safe and ‘get a feel’ for the dating malarkey before I go for the big fish? It’s worth noting that I am ‘between jobs’ and far from being worried about it (what can I do in this climate?) I’m using it as a chance to assess my life in a way that I have not hither to now.

I have never really had a grand plan and just seem to have fallen into what ever came my way. That’s how most of my relationships and jobs have started. I always had a vague idea with the jobs, but never a definite. As a result I have worked in offices, call centres, shops, factories, bingo halls, night clubs, residential homes, hostels and on and on. For the most part I’ve enjoyed all my jobs with the exception of the infernal call centre work. Diabolical are call centres, the very arse of hell.

I digress as usual. Me sitting my degree (reading it?) was another of those fall into moments. Even after graduating I fell into a line of work completely unrelated, but that is a story for another day. I am resolved not to fall into another career or relationship ever again. I am going to be considered and circumspect. Everything will be by design this time. Say hello to the third draft of my profile. I have now been observed by 28 men, but still no liking. I have noticed that my ‘standards’ have increased. Somehow my confidence has risen and I feel more worthy.

All good so far. There is however, one problem that I can not surmount. Being skint I cannot justify spending any money on what is clearly a luxury. On pondering the problem, I realised that I can overcome this by viewing it as a career move. An exercise in journalism or at least a means of practising my writing skills for that big book I am going to write in my retirement. That still doesn’t over come the lack of cash, but it does present an opportunity. I am going to crowd fund my dating. If you like my writing or are curious to find out what happens next please sponsor me.