I’ve been watching another dating programme… I’m trying to see what I’m missing. Not by virtue of not having a relationship, but intellectually. What is it that other people seem to get and I don’t? I’ve been observing the body language of the people involved.

There is one woman who goes quiet when she’s with someone she likes and it looks like she’s aloof but she’s not. I’ve been told that I need to date people who make me feel uncomfortable (not as strange a proposal as you might think). I can only think of one person who makes me uncomfortable and oddly enough, he is one person that I don’t feel the need to show off with.

I have a very strong public persona. I love performance and any chance I get to muck about I will take. But there I was dressed up for some performance piece, sat talking to him like I was in my civvies. We have a mutual friend who has said she would arrange a tea and cake date and I am putting it off.

Related to this (in a TickerTapeMind fashion) is a post from another blogger; about love and hidden superpowers. I thought can we not? Do we have to find someone with a matching superpower (her’s was liking pizza flavoured ice cream). Or can my superpower be not having a superpower? Do I have to be unique, individual, extraordinary, special… can I not just be a bit boring and sedate?

Take walks, reflect upon my surroundings, take comfort in a hug, watch a sunset, rise with the sun, sail… listen to music whilst pottering, have a dance perhaps… but are these things superpowers? What does it mean when someone tries to make miracles out of the everyday? Does it set us up for unrealistic expectations of life and love?

Is love extraordinary?

I thought it was ugly and ridiculous and a bit bizarre, and that you make it work by virtue of sharing compatible neurosis and reminiscing about positive shared experiences? I thought it was about creating a unit to protect each other from all the bad stuff (what ever that maybe, diarrhea or hypothermia, whatever). I thought it was liking having sex with the same person with the same ridiculous rhythm as you over and over again and not getting bored? Am I romanticising love here?

I loved working with the hostel chaps, I had a random but nice week end, I feel flat. I am coming to loathe my independence. Having no one else to think about makes you very insular and inward thinking and I have had enough of naval gazing to last a life time. I have cabin fever. I might wake up one day to find that I have gone feral in semi rural suburbia……

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