I’m calmer now, I’ve had some input. I have been plugged back in. Also, scraping some money together helped. Now I can write about my women. I should, as ever, be writing the book. But…

I reckon I have about 10 women who are making a significant impact on my life at the moment. Positively. With joy. Not one of them is crazy crazy, just the good crazy. What do they do? A Sound Artist, a Dancer, wait, two Dancers, a Chic that teaches doctors in return for them patching her up, a Rock Chic (in a million ways, a doer), a Facilitator? (she makes people do arty things), a retired Support Worker (writer and artist), my Mum (as ever), a Doula. This list doesn’t include the other incredible women on the fringes of my life…

And the one that keeps coming back.

She is a good person but she is toxic for me. We argued in March and now she wants to pick up where we left off. No, thanks. How do you tell someone that you no longer want them in your life, with out hurting their feelings? I want to be definite and final, but not brutal, we had been friends for the better part of twenty years.

Letting her go made room for all the women above. One person took the energy of 10 women and gave little back. She never knew and still doesn’t. We parted ways twice before and I thought this would be the last time. She tells me she is moving away and doesn’t want to part on bad terms. Me either, but we will be parting, I am closing the door. I might even brick up the opening.

Me and my women. We play. We laugh. We cry. We shout and sometimes tell each other to fuck off. We hug. We sit on sofas and drink tea (or alcohol). We dance. We walk. We are silent. We are kind. We are strong. We read to each other. We move houses and decorate together. We fall apart at the seams and we sew each other up. We nurse each other. No matter how long it’s been since the last time, the next time is like there has never been a break.

We are not jealous. We share each other and are stronger and wiser for it. I might be the pain in the arse, but if I am they never rebuke me for it. They don’t pander to me either. I am a strong woman and it’s refreshing to have a group of people who tell me about myself. It’s a rare thing and I am a better person for it.


They are my best friends.

Twenty years ago I wouldn’t have believed you.