Whilst watching a conversation between Fay Wheldon and Caitlin Moran (not so much a train wreck as a near miss) I find my answer. They discussed the use of the internet and the downfall of creative arts. Modern Music and Literature, I find as disposable as the rest of Modern Society. Quality will only reveal itself through time and endurance. If a book is still being bought, read and recommended within two years of publishing, then it’s true value, as apposed to it’s financial value has been recognised.

There is a word or phrase that fits here and it eludes me. It’s been bugging me for some time. Said often about ‘occult’ books. There is no need to have gate keepers as the books are self “…….”. That is to say, if you are intelligent enough or spiritually enlightened enough to ‘get it’ then you will, otherwise it will just be a story that’s a bit weird.

Some Buddhist texts are like this. You read them one year and you think “Oh”. The next year, “Aaah!” and the year after that, “….”. “Maybe one day I’ll get it”.

I value my words too much to release them via ebooks, as I find this is the ‘pop’ world of publishing, I’d rather give work away for free, then I know what I am getting for my money. I value literature too much to release my bilge onto paper with out it being reviewed by someone who knows what they are doing. Choosing your publisher, I am led to believe, is like choosing a life partner. I want to know what quality my work is.

Moran and Wheldon were discussing the end of writers being paid to write and that if you still write in your spare time, it may mean you have something to say that might be worth saying. Caitlin said, “People say to me, “I wrote three chapters and gave up”. I say, maybe that’s all you have”. I am in a mood to accept that, having five dead books behind me.

But this book wants to be written. I set the scene, introduced the characters and stalled. The ending waits to be written. It will not move out of the way. Well, thinks I last night, what if the end wants to be the beginning and you let it. Just write it. Now though… What if that is all the beginning has got? What if I leave it as is AND write the ending? In the middle! Who’s to say I can’t put the end in the middle. If it wants to be writ, let it be writ!

I am still waiting for some Fagin character to grab my arm and say “Not you girl, this work ent fer you” and drag me off to a wash house. Perhaps, it has something to do with being told that I had copied work not written it. “You mean you copied it.” “No, I wrote it.” “What have I told you about lying?” “But Mum!”.

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