A friend of mine posted a link to a site called Beard Pornography. A range of emotions raced through me as I scrolled through pictures of men with well coiffured beards. Some had hairy chests, some had tattoos, some were scene-sters or hipsters, bikers, models, greasers, normal blokes with a beard… Some were holding animals.

My adrenalin did race. I am more inclined to respond to a hairy male than one with out fuzz. And today’s fashions are not beard friendly on mass, or if men do wear beards they are far too young for me, older men now going beardless or just not taking care of basic ablutions. I have been single for quite some time.

After scrolling for about five minutes, my breath was taken away by one man. I literally sucked air into my lungs like I’d just been revived. The image was so well composed, the light amazing, the posturing erm… manly. Crikey. He was lovely. Is lovely, well looked lovely. How do you know from a photograph?

Then like an idiot I realised that I was more drawn to the pictures that displayed a hairy chest, so I typed hairy chest porn into Google, really not thinking about the word ‘porn’ in it’s ‘un-ironic’ sense. I got what I asked for and had to close the search results PDQ I can tell you.

Jokingly, I said to my friends that I wouldn’t do it again, or at least next time I would exclude the word ‘porn’ from the search. Which I did. That really just brought up sites full of soft porn. This, amongst feeding back to friends on a social networking site, took 1/2 hour.

And there ends my tale… or does it. I got ‘bored’ quite quickly, I realised this was unfulfilling and the no speaking and no touching thing just made me feel a little lonely. What do men (and women) who use porn do? Is it a conscious decision to push aside those feelings? I’m not judging, Germaine Greer used to be a pornographer and my own relationship with it is more complex than I care to go detail here…

So what was it that got under my skin so much that I rejected it, so quickly? Was it because some of them look like the kind of man I could really go for, and that sailed too close to the wind? Do we need our porn stars to look like porn stars, so that in our minds we can detach them from real life, we can then view them like grown up cartoons, they are not real? Because deep down inside we KNOW we are objectifying these people. Do porn stars understand this and have a similar relationship with their own looks?

Do some people use porn to disgust themselves a little bit? I have so many questions like this… Would you ever be able to get a true response from people as to why they use porn, even if they were self aware… I’ve been reading “We Need To Talk About Kevin” (which I highly recommend), the author suggests that parents who try to protect their children from harmful images are fighting a tsunami, and that they need to teach their children how to interpret what they are seeing. I agree with some reserve.