On FB a friend was encouraged by another friend to “Smile next time”. He replied, “Smiles mean nothing”. We are permanently and perpetually asked to smile, to be nice, to be kind, to be considerate, to be thoughtful… If we display any negative emotions the presumption is that you are either bad or mental.

Buddhists don’t do good, bad or evil, least not in the way that we in the West do. They do not think that karma is a tool of justice, they believe it is like the universe or a psychopath; disinterested. It will ripen seeds, it doesn’t care if you think they are good or bad. It doesn’t care whether you want it to or not and it doesn’t care if you like the results or not.

I recently had a friend cut me out of her life. It was interesting, it was abrupt and quick. If she had been discontent with our friendship she had not said and if she had been planning on calling it a day with our friendship she hid it well. I have cut people out of my life and I have been cut out by other people before, it is not nearly as traumatic as you might think…

In fact, I am glad; it’s the most honest thing she has done for some time. I can not help her where she is, except be there for her and she has decided (for what ever reason) she does not want me present. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your friends, is not be a friend. Space, time and distance, they are not your enemies.

From the outside looking in, it might seem that I do not care. What do people want me to do? March up to the door and order her to a) be my friend again, or b) tell my why she doesn’t want to be my friend? What, are we six? And what good will that do either of us? She will talk to me, when she wants to talk to me, if ever. If not my tears or lack thereof mean the same… nothing. She has the right to cut ties.

What I am asking of you dear reader, is to be honest. If this tale fills you with dread that it might happen to you, be more honest. Don’t try to put a sticking plaster on the scabs of life, let them open to the fresh air, let them ooze and crust over and heal. Don’t just put a plaster over a problem and say to yourself there! Fixed. What you are creating is an ulcer, a large difficult, foul smelling sore that is hard to treat.

If someone is pissing you off, tell them. If you are unhappy, angry, discontent, sad etc make it known. If you have been told by someone that you are pissing them off, don’t be a baby, deal with it. If you have been told by someone struggling with themselves that they are in distress, do not stick a plaster over it and say it will be alright, it will not. Tell them it is OK for them to be human and that ‘negative’ emotions are the brains way of saying, “Enough!”.

How do you expect people to transition otherwise?

What does this interaction mean for me? I am another friend lighter, it’s a good reason to consider my own period of transition more candidly.