So, back jobless for the second time in a year, and no volunteer commitments, I have started the long slow slump in to stress and possibly depression. I’ve been to the doctors and I have to ‘opt in’ for counselling… It seems the move into a nicer more central area wasn’t quite the boost I was looking for. I might as well have stayed where I was, the neighbours are just as bad and a recession is a recession no matter where you are.

I reached out, looking for a little hope and offers came flooding in… then one by one the offers receded… There are more than just this list but they are future appointments…
1) I spent £4 traveling to visit my dad, to help him with some painting, he wasn’t in. Well, I could have had a pouch of baccy (could do with taking up smoking again), 4 cans of cheap lager, some WonderWeb for the curtains, 2 days food, fish and chips from the expensive but tasty local chippy, or 4 kilos of flour (8 loaves).

But at least you got me out of the house and every little helps. And the Park is beautiful this time of year. I would rather have actually *seen* you, than sit on the doorstep before leaving, but hey I suppose the time we arranged was more flexible for you than me. Feeling great. (Turns out he was in, he was just asleep *read passed out).

2) I’ll give you a ring, tomorrow, we’ll have a good catch up. <nothing>

3) We’ll have a girlie night in, I’ll bring some treats, when shall I come. I’m sorry I can’t come, when can I reschedule?

At least the last two didn’t cost me anything, I’m skint enough as it is. And I’ve decided I would rather just be left alone actually…  don’t bother with your platitudes. I will be OK, I have seen through worse than this, I will be employed again (maybe not until 2014 the expected end of the recession, don’t ask me how I know). I will pay off my debts and I’ll be able to get a whole load more fake ass friends.

Or perhaps, I’ll join a nut club and hang out with the mentally ill and poor again, at least you know what you’re getting folks. Honestly, but I just don’t have the energy for it. Happy clappy everything will be OK groups for when you’re recovering from a period of boo… Frig all use when you need it most. Everyone knows it. And all the do gooders pat themselves and us poor mentals on the back with a job well done… Actually, I JUST NEED A JOB (with a fair wage) we all say…………………

Oh, but I have some volunteering coming… good enough to work, but not good enough to get paid… that’s me and 2.5 million people, all told we are not working hard enough or putting enough in, striving a little less than we ought to… well that’s a fine fuck you too.