It’s amazing how sleep deprivation really clears out your mind. The weird thought patterns and the zoning out can be pretty trippy. I don’t think I’ve slept well for a full week in over 5 months. It’s fair to say I feel quite unwell at times, worst is when you feel that sickening hangover feeling, it’s really difficult to function when you know at any minute you could seriously damage yourself. Simple tasks like chopping onions become mammoth.

The difference when you do manage to sleep, your mood, ability to concentrate, the things you are inclined to engage in, are profoundly noticable. It spotlights where you have real weaknesses and explodes your concept of self. It truly does focus and motivate you, but in strange ways. There is little active planning in the things you do, your subconcious is perhaps more active, and you just ‘do’.

I kid you not, you find out really quickly what is important to you. I recommend it. I will warn you though, it isn’t pleasant. But its like rolling a sculpture down a hill, the bits that fall off you have no purpose. <<< Is that Socrates? Where did I get that from? Anyhoo… I’m done with this experiment. I’ve bought some earplugs. That perhaps is the most stark observation from this period, the myriad ways I have found to punish myself. From not buying earplugs to block out noise nuisance, to persisting in choosing destructive relationships.

I been having the urge to work on my chakras. I have no idea what that is about really. I know that there are very real physical nerve bundles in the areas where the chakras are located so I get the feeling this is more than a spiritual urge. A friend gave me a meditation to do, and I was very surpised at the results as my blocks and stops were in the throat and frontal lobe (third eye) and eye. I really thought they would be in the root and sacrum, go figure.

Try is see what you get. Sit yourself down. Notice your body. Relax. Relax. HEY!!! I mean it! Relax. Your head, give it a little shake. Squeeze up your shoulders, then drop them. Have your hands in your lap. Relax your stomach, your back should be straight, but not like a rod. Give yourself three deep breathes and then forget about your breathing. Are your legs floppy? Relax those thighs and calves.

I want you to notice. Not visualise. NOTICE. Observe. Bear witness to. Start at the root and work your way up the spine, up the neck into the head (stay away from that crown now) and notice the feelings fall down the front of your body. Have your mouth relaxed and your tongue pressed against the roof of your mouth. Come full circle to the root. Where were you blocked. What are you holding in? It takes as long as it takes by the way, so don’t think you can get it over and done with in 5 mins. I took about 40 mins the first time. Perhaps more.

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