The idiot neighbour has been spending time away! When he’s here, you can hardly hear a thing. It’s a bloody miracle. I went to see the other properties, I’m staying put. I’m not going down again if I don’t have to. I will move sideways, but I am not sinking, while I still have the strength to bail. I haven’t heard from the job yet, so I’m signing up with two agencies in my area. Perhaps it’s time for yet another career change. I have everything I need to go into nursing. They say I have already done the first year of my nursing degree! We’ll see.

So here’s a thing… I just keep saying no.

To the man who accused me of being a sexual predator (can you be a celibate sexual predator?), the one who had no need to talk to me. None, I didn’t know him. I’d never seen him before. He was in my space, snarling, so abruptly. I slapped him. I don’t know who was more surprised. My hand flew up to his face, thankfully it didn’t hit him hard, just enough to let him know I was going to defend myself.

To the father who made me homeless when I was 19. I’ve been paying his phone bill because he didn’t want a DD. When I moved out of area, he began dropping the money off when I was out. The last few months he’s been giving it to my brother, which considering my financial situation is not ideal. This month he went over his limit. He denied it. We need to phone them, I say, and find out what is going on. He comes, and explodes into my space. Perhaps it’s because I’ve had a break, I didn’t realise how much I had to modify my behaviour in order to keep things cool. Long story short I told him things needed to change, I asked for the money he owed, he called me pathetic and made to leave. I said, “We need to sort this out, I will cancel your package if you go”. He said, “If you do that I will never speak to you again”. I let him leave, and canceled his package.

To the person I thought I loved last year. Who thought he could come over on Valentines. I haven’t seen him in a year, except at gigs. The last time I saw him, he was bloated with booze, and looked like a man on pause. “Would you like some company?”. Nope.

I felt like crap. I panicked. But I was exhausted. I had nothing left in the pot. I don’t regret a thing. I feel amazing. I have no fear. Stuff still needs sorting, it’s not perfect, but there is space. I’ve been pushing back my boundaries. I think you can see why my relationship with men can be difficult at times. Why would I bother? I don’t know why; I like them still. Not these ones though. I’m going to find better ones.

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