Archives for category: Technology

OK let me get this out the way… I’m having technical issues… I do not like the way that I have to faff to make a post and honestly, if I wanted double spacing or what ever I would use it. And I don’t like the blue they use. Nope. Finding the dashboard is a chore too. It’s distracts me every time I sit down to write.

There is a fly behind the curtains, I don’t even know how they keep getting in! I had to stop writing to chase it out of the house, but not before I had a moment watching it crawl over the glass looking for a way out. I couldn’t chase the thought that appeared cos the buzzing broke it. This is a blog about my Tickertapemind after all…

I need new terminology, but I’ll explain that in a different post. Perhaps.

I have some great things I would like to show you but I am unable because they are not live on-line yet. Which in some senses makes this a bit of a non-post. But it isn’t because of these:

1) Yo! Old friends! I had chance to catch up with some of your blogs. Looking good. Plenty of motion and gratitude in these pages and you know that I am responding to that, having been stuck in a rut this last month.

2) Yo! New friends! I see you too. It takes me a while to catch up, but I check out the blog of every new like and follower. I don’t like randomly as I have dyslexia and only follow blogs I think I can learn from, but it takes me time to honour that. Thank you for dropping by. :)

3) And a little brag… I kid you not… I liked a post by David Mack about a piece of work that he did with Neil Gaiman (there is your internet homework, you haven’t had some for a while so don’t complain!) I hope you find a picture of the finished product… Well I liked it and shared it on my FB wall and then David Mack himself liked my post. Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D Totally epic!

Tennessee by Arrested Development
Smells Like Teen Spirit by Patti Smith
Q.U.E.E.N. by Janelle Monae ft. Erykah Badu

If you only utube one song make it the last and get down, cos the booty don’t lie!

Soooooo, what did I do today? What am I thinking about? I can’t remember what is in my last blog and I haven’t reread it… I’m going Punk. I can’t expect my Nan to and not do so myself, I ain’t no hypocrite!

Last night I stayed up a little later, thinking to myself that I can have a lay in, as I’m on a late. 1am, not too late though. At 4.30am I am wide awake. Same at 5. Okay, tea, toast, mandala. 7am back to bed… mmmm sleeeeeep. Wrong. 9.30am the work man comes to fix my land line. I have been phone less for weeks and to be honest I quite like it.

As the Nan is in hospital and the mobile is out of action too, I thought I’d best get it sorted. I’m on the east side now, what ever that means. He leaves about 10ish but needs to ring me. So, tea and toast it is. Then I turn on the computer do a little work from home. (tee hee do you hear that? Work! Paid work!). The technician rings at 10.30am.

What to do? Nan needs pajamas and tissues, it takes two hours to get there, then to work doing some decorating stuff, no point having a bath must remember to take food, hour to work, then two hours home, five hours traveling for 3 hours of doing stuff, seems a little wonky to me, no matter.

Stay up then ok. Do a bit more work. Then it all gets a bit boring so I’ll skip bits… The people in my Nans ward are all complaining because of one woman in obvious distress, they want to put her in an ‘asylum’. Despite being assured she is not mentally ill, they still are not happy. You let it go though, cos at 80 some and being poorly and unable to sleep your not going to appreciate being corrected.

I advise they close the door. Silence, but with 4 pairs of eyes staring at me intently. What door!? I point to the sliding door in the wall. They look at me again, “we had best not. There might be a reason they need it open”. A while later a nurse comes in, I ask if they can shut the door. She looks at the women in the bed. I think she hasn’t heard me, the women bristle even my Nan, they want me to shut up I can tell…

“Can they shut the door at night?” She looks around again, all women looking pointedly at me now, saying “It was her” with their eyes… The nurses hearing aid is whistling, I shout, “CAN THEY SHUT THE DOOR AT NIGHT?!”. “Oh, my hearing aid must need it’s battery replacing I can’t hear you. Yes, you can shut the door, that’s what you do at night isn’t it? Shut the bedroom door.”

I smile, pleased with myself, my Nan looks relieved and the other women are pleased the nurse hasn’t exacted some kind of terrible revenge on me, because of my impertinence. She checks charts and leaves. The women immediately say, “She doesn’t have the authority to tell us we can close the door”. I shift in my seat, just because I’m moving into a better position and one of the women says hurriedly, “YOU CAN NOT CLOSE THE DOOR”.

I raise an eyebrow, “I wasn’t going to” I say, “but you have been told you can close the door”. “She doesn’t have the authority to tell us we can”, they say. My Nan looks worried and disappointed, she’s tired I can tell. I say to her, “Clearly, we are not amongst the rebels here Nan”. She giggles. “You will have to show them what rules are for!” She starts laughing and the women are horrified. HORRIFIED!

I can see them all laying there tonight, wide eyed and delirious with sleep deprivation and my Nan creeping on tip toes to close the door and being ratted out by one of the women pressing for the nurse… SHE DOESN’T HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO CLOSE THE DOOOOOOOOR!!!!

“If at first you don’t succeed; let go, let go, let go.” (Unknown to me)

I have not been letting go. My mobile phone warned me it was about to give up the ghost and I did not take the appropriate steps to move all my contacts and photographs to a new phone, graciously given to me, by MU. Instead I tried to make the charger work one last time, using the power of my will. It, surprisingly, said yes! So I got cocky wore the battery down and tried again. Fool.

I have let my ego run rampant recently, in new and unexpected ways. Strange ways that I won’t go into. The Buddha was a big fan of letting go. He let go of a whole kingdom and his family. Then he let go of himself.

I am not letting go.

One of my best friends recently lost his mother, she had a very bad fall in the snow. It was unexpected to say the least. What comfort can I give him. Let go? Om Mane Padme Hum on a Wednesday for the next six weeks? You’ll be fine! He wants me to think of loved ones that I’ve lost on Friday at two.

I’ve been invited to talk at a One Billion Rising march. I’ve made a speech but racked with doubt I can not decide whether to back out or not. I’ve been getting involved in fights that are not mine. My energies are fractured. I need to refocus.

What I really want to do, is pack up and drive off. Maybe on my own, maybe with a group of friends. Have lots of music to sing to and books to read. Be able to sit on the metaphorical hill and write my book. I have been writing my book. The story is coming along well. I am cold and my back is hurting and I can not drive. Damn it!

Hugs. What I want is hugs. But not from anyone I can get them from. I want to lie down in a warm bed, with a small bottom pressed into my chest, tiny lips tutting all the while, because I am not being a pillow right.

I had put orange peel in the bowls on the radiators and I forgot and could not work out what the smell was. I have been reading your blogs.

I won’t go on any longer… Have a poem instead…

Love is as breeze is,
through my mind it blows.

Watching dusky sun on hill,
whilst wiggling my toes.

Summer highs in Winter depths,
keep away the lows.

Imagine blooms and birds in flight,
by the ember glows.

I had the best of intentions to start this blog in the deeper recesses of my TickerTapeMind, but honestly, why would I do that intentionally? I can always present my ‘Ticks’ in a more natural manner by telling you how the brain is working shit over.

1) I had a date with ‘Harry’ it went really well. I have been thinking some of the following over the last week: I really like him, I don’t think he’s for me, We don’t seem to be compatible, When I’m in work some of the things I am worried about will be none issues, I know he’s busy but why isn’t he emailing back, I’m dating other people he’s not that interested in me, I really like him he’s funny and intelligent. (Aren’t you supposed to be over this when you leave adolescence?)

2) I wanted to listen to an album that I have on tape only. I have given away all my tape playing equipment. I remembered that I have a dictaphone, so I dug out my tapes and I have been nursing my dictaphone ever since. Every time a side ends I jump, even though I know that it is coming. POP! Open the cassette draw, flip the tape, close the draw, press play, make sure that I hold the player flat so the speed of the spools is not effected… What a farce and yet wonderfully and sublimely retro.

3) Music I have listened to this week: Mos Def (only half his first album, UMI says being the best track), James Morrison’s first album is playing as I type this (I hooked up an old cd player so I didn’t have to use the computer, more about that in 4 probably), Amy Winehouse’s Frank <3, some Bjork, some reggae. Actually, I decided that I would do an A-Z playlist. A is for Adele, Daydreamer. B is for Barenaked Ladies, Some Fantastic. C is for Candi Staton, You Got the Love. It could easily have been the Cure's Same Deep Water as well. And I did wonder why B wasn't for Bjork's Hyperballad. Hm. D is for Depeche Mode, It's No Good.

4) Vista and AVG combo make me want to pull my hair out. I have considered duel booting the PC ever since I got it two years ago and still haven't. I'm in a technology slip stream and with it comes absolute apathy. I'd love a Mac Mini. I'd love it a lot. I'd flirt with it daily and stroke it too.

5) I'm going to a wedding this evening and I can't decide if I should wear trousers or a dress.

6) I have been shortlisted for two internships and I can not decide which one to take if I get offered them both. I have decided that I AM GOING TO BE OFFERED BOTH because I am frickin fabulous. I'll cry if I don't get either.

7) Is this me falling into things and referring to type or is this taking control of my life? Does it matter? I am content. The Buddhist prayer flags in the kitchen have fallen down after being up for years. Is this significant?

8) Why am I wasting valuable 'eye time' writing a blog, when I should be researching for my interviews?